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The American Dream™
The Civilized States of America and Jesusland
Why are Americans such assholes?
Billionaires and Capitalists
Doing it for Your Community
History Lesson for Rednecks
The Second Amendment
What have you done to make them proud of you?
There are a good few million Americans who are terrific people, who build great businesses, who care about their fellow man and our natural environment, who do great things, who think amazing thoughts. Some of the most admirable people I know are Americans. I salute them.
However, it isn't those people who wave the flag and beat the drum and shout the loudest, it is the hundreds of millions of Americans who are the ballast of the nation.
America is not great because it is a country of universally higher standards of morality, decency, integrity and hard work. The average American is not a cut above the average European, although he thinks he is. Most Americans simply make up the numbers. It is the numbers that make America great. America is great because it is a vast country with great natural resources, a population which is almost large enough to absorb it and a huge and unified market that is used to being rich, working hard and paying a hell of a lot of tax which disappears in a puff of gunsmoke.
America's greatness does not reflect glory on the bulk of her citizens, but they think it does.
How hard is it to be born American? What skills does it take? What have you actually done yourself to be so proud of? If you have a good answer to that last question carry on. If not please consider the possibility of shutting the fuck up and stop embarrassing those Americans who actually deserve credit for the lives they lead.
The rest of the world looks on in dumbfoundment at the antics of the beer-swilling, flag-waving third rate yahoos who seem to be so keen on claiming that they are number one simply because there is greatness around them, much of it simply a product of population size and land area. It makes no more sense to be proud of being a mediocre citizen of a great country than it does to be proud of being a mammal and wallowing in the scale of the whale, the speed of the cheetah and the flight of the bat.
If you haven't won an Olympic gold, made a billion dollars, invented a world-changing technology, opened up a wilderness, walked on the Moon or shot up some badly trained third world army then why are you making out that you are special? As an American you rightly deserve one three hundred millionth of the glory of being one of three hundred million, some of whom are great, about as many as you would expect. In my book this would entitle you at the most to display a small stars and stripes on either your house, car, boat or clothing and to three whoops and two hollers per year. Anything more than that will rightly be regarded as obnoxiousness.
Great men are rightly proud of their own personal greatness. Lesser men find pride in the accidents of their birth: being white, male, American or coming from the best state in the union. If the only thing you can take pride in is something you had no control over doesn't that say a lot about you?
And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country.
My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.