A response to my page In Praise of Big Women
Hey there. I just wanted to make something clear - are you aware that you could actually be hurting people by saying that "thin isn't attractive"? I'm a completely healthy, though very skinny female in her late teens who just stopped by your site and found this: "Who wants a thin, bony and assertive woman with small breasts who can only keep that shape by smoking, eating such a poor diet that she needs vitamin injections and exercising all day? In what way can that be attractive? What kind of man wants a woman who would do that to herself? When men show a preference for thin women they are really wanting genuine waifs, teenagers, not self-made wrecks. A desire for a thin woman is partially a fear of adult women." ...and let me tell you, it did NOT make
me feel very good about myself. Am I really that disgustingly
boyish and unnatural, just because I'm skinny? I happen to
actually like my body just the way it is - I wouldn't want
to gain or lose any weight at all. I'm fine, thank you. But
when I read this I felt sick to my stomach. Seriously, isn't
there a better way of critisizing the ideals of today WITHOUT
beating down on thin girls? Being skinny isn't all fun and
laughs. You'd think that fitting into the ideal image of a
woman Regards, P.S. Please excuse the crappy English - I'm foreign (and it's late). |
Thin isn't attractive, to me at least. I think that's what I wrote. There is a big difference between not attractive and repulsive and I am just one man, do you really have to have every man on the planet thinking you are attractive before you are prepared to believe it for yourself? I appreciate women who are normal sized, slightly under normal sized and quite a bit over normal sized. Other men will be different and will exclude many women who I find attractive as being too fat while they may like women who I find too thin.
Remember what we are talking about here, sexual attraction. That's what I am talking about. Does it really crush you to think that some men might not instantly want to have sex with you? Get a grip woman! Some men only find brunettes or blondes attractive, does that distress you? Well, apart from the idea of sharing a planet with such narrow-minded people, does it distress you?
Not every man finds thin women attractive, that's just the way it is. However there is a big difference between the way I consider thin women (women, too thin for my tastes) and the way many men have coached each other to think about fat women: disgusting porkers, using too much oxygen, taking up too much room, no sense of decency, shouldn't be allowed to live with normal people.
I am imagining what you look like, working on that imagining I'd say I wouldn't find you sexually attractive, I wouldn't instantly be drawn towards you. You'd have to do something to attract me. A smile would be a big start.
As long as you are not actually anorexic, dangerously thin to the point that gives doctors cause for concern, then you could well be beautiful. I have no problem with that idea. I can also recognize when men are, objectively, physically attractive. The fact that I am not sexually attracted to a man does not mean I find him repulsive, ugly or not suitable to live. I am not attracted to thin women just because they exist, they have to do something to make me take notice. But probably not very much. Take this woman as an example:
my first impression if I saw her wandering around scowling like that would be that she was too thin for my tastes, beautiful in an abstract kind of way, like cats or flowers are, but not my type. However if she came up to me on the railway station and said “it's Martin Willett isn't it? I've read your website, I really enjoyed it...” Then it would take me about two seconds to decide that actually she's not that thin after all, she has a beautiful face and such interesting conversation...
Martin Willett
http://mwillett.org/
"Thin isn't attractive, to me at least. I think that's what I wrote." Well, no, you didn't. You criticized the very possibility of finding thin women sexually attractive, and that's what I found offensive. "A desire for a thin woman is partially a fear of adult women." I mean, come on.. If you only tried to state your subjective opinion, try to make that a bit clearer? I don't expect every person I meet to find me attractive - that's just ridiculous - but I don't see the purpose it serves to express some kind of general contempt for thin women. I don't find overweight women particularly attractive (I am bisexual, making this a valid reference), but I don't rant on and on about how disgusting I think they are - and I don't see the point in doing THAT either. |
“Women with no fat are not attractive, well not to me anyway. Women with no fat only appeal to photographers and gay men looking for a female that is not really too female, a tall thin boy to model their clothes or whatever else they are selling.” There are many men who find thin women attractive. I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with men who find that ONLY thin women are attractive, especially as they are so vocal about it and I am rather certain that they are overstating their preferences because it is seen to be fashionable to do so. A desire for thin women (i.e. only thin women) is partially a fear of adult women. I'm not saying that finding Kate Moss, Kylie Minogue or Calista Flockhart attractive is in any way deviant, what I'm saying is that only finding women who are significantly smaller or thinner than normal attractive is a very worrying sign, and I attribute part of that to a fear of adult women. Calista Flockharts' breasts are significantly smaller than mine. It cannot be healthy that a woman who is so very far on the thin side of normal is made out to be some vision of perfection while the media harps on about celebrities being "enormous" if they put on 10lbs. We need more role models on the other side of average to balance things out and give people a clearer idea of what is a healthy acceptable range of sizes for women to come in. Yes, variety is good. I am not showing any contempt for thin women. My contempt is aimed squarely at those forces in the media and popular culture who are making out that the only acceptable form of woman is one who is significantly taller and thinner and less obviously female and mature looking than the average woman. If you interpret that as some kind of attack on thin women then you are wrong, and I suggest that you had that chip on your shoulder before you read my page. Martin Willett http://mwillett.org/ |
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