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Does vasectomy hurt?
I think I can answer this question, if anybody can. I had two vasectomies. I was booked in for a vasectomy under a local anaesthetic. It was rather uncomfortable as they poked around with my scrotum trying to find where to put the needle with the local anaesthetic. This was distinctly unpleasant for a few moments. Why couldn't they have given me something to take my mind off things? Hashish? Valium? Three Gagrakackan tzjin-anthony-ks? Eventually the right spot was found and a tiny sharp pricking sensation followed by a strange cooling. Then it all went numb, as it should. The operation was largely without anything I could call pain. I could feel tugs and pulls and I had a fairly clear idea of what was going on but I couldn't see it and there was no pain. On the whole is was only slightly more uncomfortable than taking a ride on the London Underground.
Then there was a pause.
“We've done the first side. We're just prepping for the other side now.”
“Uhuh.”
Then, almost as an aside she said “Of course the second side will hurt a bit more, it always does, the body is expecting it. That's just the way pain is.”
I didn't hear her being kicked under the table but I could understand it if she got a bit of a telling off later. I almost put bollocking there but that would have been bad taste.
As soon as they started probing on the other side I was on the ceiling. It took about ten minutes before they finally gave up. I just couldn't hold still long enough for them to find the right injection site. OK, I admit it, I'm a total physical coward. I can't stand pain.
They would have to do a general anaesthetic instead. And because of my weight they couldn't do that without admitting me overnight, just to be sure, which wouldn't be possible. I would have to come back a week later. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!
So I went home neither fish nor fowl. Half a vasectomy? What use is that? It didn't hurt much. It was slightly bruised and swollen, the stories of swelling up to the size of footballs were obviously just that, stories designed to frighten. All I needed was snug fitting underwear and mild pain killers of the sort you have for a headache. I had my week off as planned. Then back to work, then off again for the second operation. That was totally straightforward. I went in for the anaesthetic, one, two and awake again. The edit as smooth as in a feature film, fade to black, fade back up again.
I think it was about a day and a half before I tried to wank. No problems. Sex was unaffected. There was no noticeable difference afterwards in anything. My semen looked the same, felt the same, no difference at all without getting out a microscope. Now there is nothing to see. The incisions were tiny, the scars not noticeable on the wrinkled skin of the scrotum.
Once I had the all clear after my second sample I could relax about sex. There is now no problem with sex, nothing to worry about, nothing to spoil the moment and no worries about health. Sue can't wind me up by saying “Whoops, I forgot to pack my pill, well, never mind eh?”
If you are sure that you do not want any more children then vasectomy is a great solution to your birth control issues. I can heartily recommend it. But go for the general anaesthetic if you have the choice.